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Captain Plastic

'You are a realist masquerading as a cynic who is secretly an optimist.'

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Got some interesting designs taking shape for McQueen. I won’t humiliate myself by posting them up now. That would be like seeing a naked stripper. I’ll save all that nonsense for when the build thread goes up.

First, I blamed the Etch-A-Sketch. McQueen resembled a Lego designed Batmobile. Then I blamed the graph paper. The next catastrophe looked like an inebriated Stevie Wonder had been given a set of Crayola’s. And now I seem to have somehow gone a bit hardcore, old-skool Le Mans with it. Big sweeping arches - like a steroidal Beetle. It will get toned down, obviously. The NWA radio edit. It is supposed to be a daily driver after-all ...a seamless, yet convenient segue into...

Despite my previous comments, the Camden Council are not heterophobic, because ’[I]..after investigating the case, and taking into account the contents of your correspondence. I have decide to cancel the Notice as I’m not satisfied with the quality of the evidence provided by the Civil Enforcement Office[/I]r.’ Wank sock!

So, the vapid Traffic Warden blatantly lied - is what they are actually saying. The insipid inbred issued a ticket that wasn’t accurate. A falsehood, an untruth. How many ‘incorrect’ tickets does that incompetent governmental crustacean issue everyday? If I believed in violence - I’d let my mum get all medieval on him. Was it Confucius or Pol Pot that said ‘Karma is a hefty piece of 4 x 2’?

Made a terrible faux pas in Cardiff this week. No-one told me that ‘s’ is pronounced ‘w’ in Welsh. Makes asking for a Lamb Shank a significantly different experience.

I was talking to a friend - not an imaginary one - he’s real - he can fly n’everything. Anyway, I was banging on about ‘McQueen’ and what I’m planning to do. I was gesticulating wildly, getting excited, talking with the total authority and accuracy of a stoned United Nations Weapons Inspection Team. He humoured me... until it got to the point where I started talking about stripping the weight out of the car - making it lighter, power to weight ratio’s etc, etc. He simply said (and I paraphrase) ‘Well, if you lost two fu**ing stone you tubby c**t, that would help - wouldn’t it?’ I was so shocked I dropped my doughnuts. Harsh but true. The insensitive hirsute twat has a valid point. Cut to a montage of moi, training, losing weight. Even Rocky had a montage.


Updated 23-08-2011 at 23:21 by Captain Plastic (stupid typo's)

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  1. snowtigger's Avatar
    holy f nuts your giving me t shirt slogans by the bucket load, haha haha lose weight power to weight ratio lol.

    I was talking to a friend - not an imaginary one - he’s real - he can fly n’everything.

    i need this printed on a shirt, i hope you get to were ever your going before the drugs ware off my friend.
  2. Captain Plastic's Avatar
    Thank you! It's a free service provided courtesy of 'spellchecker'. The drugs don't work Mr Snowtigger Sir. Well, apart from Rohypnol - but I can't quite remember what I was...